The Cigar Jones Bloghouse

I've held off on establishing rules (censorship) on the blog for quite so time now. But, after the rather heated last few days, the time has come. If you've noticed, I don't swear and manage to be reasonably funny. Although I swear like a sailor in the right company, this is not the right company. My 16 year old daughter reads this on occasion (Sorry about the oral sex references a few days ago, Honey.) so keep that in mind. Anyway, Princess K is closing the store tonight, so stop by and keep her company. She is so hot, isn't she? Smart as a whip, too. If my daughter wasn't reading this I'd say something like "I'd do her" or "I'd let her orally service me". But since she is reading this, I won't. See how easy this not swearing thing is?

PS - Daddy's just kidding, Honey. Please don't tell Mom.

I've noticed an annoying trend lately. Salesmen running around like they're on the main bridge of the USS Enterprise communicating with each other via their totally gay Bluetooth hands-free devices.

I'm sorry, but do you know how ridiculous you look? You've got some funky piece of plastic jutting out of your head and, for some reason, you think this is socially acceptable?

Sorry buddy, but you look like a sci-fi reject. Where's the next Trekkie Convention?

What's worse, everytime I see someone with one of these on, I can't help but think, "Seriously, are you THAT important? Where's the nuclear football? What galaxy is YOUR mothership in?" Add to that, you sound like your head is in a toilet bowl.

Don't even think about defending these people...or you're the next to get flamed.

Wow. The post from yesterday seems to have ignited a firestorm of opinions. To be fair, I was just trying to get a rise out of Paul. I guess it worked. Paul really is a good kid and all our regulars love the guy. For those of you that don't know him as well as we do, here's a little background on our beloved Pauly.

Time to stir the pot. I can't stand the Dave Matthews Band. People that like DMB also like Counting Crows and Phish (two other bands that suck). What's up with his voice? A severe blow to the nuts at an early age, I suspect. His music is mediocre noise, not unlike a refrigerator hum or a clothes dryer. Couple that with a nation of tobacco-chewin', hackey-sack punting frat boys zealously espousing the band's dubious skills and you have a whole new reason to hate the DMB. And what's up with that oversized, ass-clown head of his? They should be named The Tom Hanks Band. I've got an idea. Let's get a tattoo of ants marching up our leg and pretend it has a deeper meaning than "I'm an idiot and I'm stuck with these ugly-ass bugs on my leg for the rest of my life". They'll go over big with the snickering candy-stripers changing your bed pan 60 years from now. But, at least you hit the pan. You didn't dump it in the Chicago River and try to lie your way out of it. Here's a video of Dave Matthews in concert. Enjoy!

We had a Kelly sighting today! As most of you know, Kelly has been out of commission the past few days due to extreme mouth pain (insert oral sex joke here). Actually, it's been her jaw that's been giving her trouble (insert oral sex joke here). While she looked great (a new shade on the eyes), we could tell she still wasn't herself (insert oral sex joke here). Anyway, we love her and miss her and hope she gets better soon. I, for one, am missing the oral sex.

OK. I admit it. I'm officially hooked on YouTube.com. Whenever there's nothing on TV (like tonight), I just sit down and type random searches on YouTube. If you're not familiar with this phemonenon, YouTube is the latest and greatest user-content drivin website. Basically, it's a bunch of short videos that people post online for others to see. It's 99% garbage...but the remaining 1% is a hoot. I came across this editorial on cigars and thought I'd share it.

Stanford J. Newman, one of Tampa's cigar industry icons, drove to work Tuesday, a beloved cigar in his pocket.

While reviewing marketing figures at J.C. Newman Cigar Co., he went into cardiac arrest. He died shortly after at Tampa General Hospital. He was 90.

"A better script could not have been written," said his son Eric. "He died on the job at the age of 90. All of us should be so fortunate."

Under the category of "Boys Will Be Boys", we just couldn't resist doing the Mentos Trick the other day. If you are not familiar with this stunt, it involves the reaction created when Mentos are introduced to a two-liter bottle of Diet Coke. We stepped around the corner of the store and let her fly. The audience consisted of a dozen or so customers and a couple kids that happened to be riding by on their bikes. I've since done some research on this and promise the next geyser will go twice as high as the building. Here's a video of some guys that have even more time on their hands than we do.

Our buddy Steve brought in some of the peppers and tomatoes he canned last year and somebody besides Cheese actually got to try some. Quite a tasty treat! The tomatoes were great, but the peppers were exceptional! The train pulled away from the station way ahead of schedule this morning. Overnight, the slow-moving (yet reliable) Amtrak diesel had been replaced by the Japanese Mag-Lev Bullet. It was a heck of a ride. In other news, the record week at Cigar Jones continues. The Rocky's are flying and more and more new faces are showing up daily. People are figuring out there's a new sheriff in town...and his name ain't Reggie Hammond. Thanks to all for your continued support!

Event One of the Cigar Jones Poker Series is now in the books. After securing a seat at the final table (with a nice chip lead) I once again turned victory into defeat. Another third place finish for The Rammer. Congrats to Tom Egan who took home the trophy and handsome reward. He also discovered his new favorite cigar...The Rocky Patel Olde World Maduro. Second place went to a virgin, Colin The Kid. We'll get him next time. Rounding out the top four was Steve (The Italian Jew) Rosenberg. One event down...eleven to go. Who's going to Vegas next year?

...or at least they better. Our shipment of Rocky Patel cigars arrived yesterday. We loaded up on them at the RTDA Show. It's amazing how much more product you buy when they ply you with alcohol. Between that and the beautiful blonde twins (Remember them, Larry?) we probably bought more than we should have. But, what the hell, they are great cigars. Currently we're long on all of them...the Vintage 1990, Sun Grown & The Edge. We're also fully stocked on the Olde World Series...it's a fantastic stick if you haven't tried them. Anyway, I'm out of here. Golfing with Doc Howie this afternoon. Fore!

It's the hottest growing segment of the cigar biz...flavored cigars...and we're loaded to the gills now. Take your pick...chocolate, cinnamon, rum, honey, cherry, vanilla...and many combinations thereof. After a few cocktails, they're not so bad. Anyway, we also are proud to announce the addition of the full line of cigars from La Aurora. These sticks have always been one of my favorites...and now they can be yours...if the price is right. Macanudo Golds are in...as well as the last batch of Macanudo Vintage 1997's. In other news, The Nut Job made the mistake of showing up across the street at the liquor store yesterday. Too bad it's a violation of his bail. Start packing your soap on a rope, Pal! Whatcha' gonna' do when they come for you?