The Cigar Jones Bloghouse

Well, it's just me today. Paul is at the Twins game, HRH is back in real estate school and Mike is coming back from his annual canoe party in Wisconsin. In all the years I've known Mike, I can count on one hand how many times this canoe thing has worked out as planned. The "party" usually falls in one of three categories.
A) Too Hot
B) Too Wet
C) Too Drunk/Hungover
Some of the time it's a combination and every once in a while he hits the trifecta. There's one thing for sure...he always comes back with a story. Tomorrow is the Miracles of Mitch Golf Event. If the forecast holds up, expect Biscuits and gravy (ass gravy, that is).

So our buddy, Jack Barnes, stops by the other day. Biscuits, Cheese and I are sitting at the front bar as he walks in. Now Jack is recovering from foot surgery and we notice he's got on a pair of Crocs. If you're not familiar with this footwear...well...it's kinda'...gay. Maybe not kinda' gay...more like gay squared...maybe even gay to the tenth power. Infinity gay. Don't believe me, check this out. Anyway, Jack isn't wearing them for fashion, he's wearing them because he has to. He's got a bad wheel. At this point it becomes obvious that both Biscuits and Cheese are becoming quite fond of this newfangled footwear. They ask Jack if they can try them on (gay). Soon they're oohing and aahing over them...they simply must have a pair (gay). Cheese calls his wife to ask what color he should get (really gay). Within minutes, they're out the door...two girls on a mission. A couple hours later they return with matching Navy Blue Crocs. Oh well, whatever makes you feel pretty, guys. I must say, however, that Crocs ARE GOOD for three things.
1) Gardening.
2) Working in the water.
3) Anonymous gay sex at a highway rest area.

Good news/bad news today on the Fuente front. First off, we got our entire shipment of Diamond Crowns in, and...as usual...nobody in Minnesota will beat our price. Along with the DC's came The Senator's favorite Honduran bundle...Don Jose. Also in the pipeline are Chateau Naturals (Bob) and Chateau Maduros (Everybody). Now the bad news. Got a call from Fuente yesterday informing me of some interesting behavior on the part of one of our customers at the RTDA Show. It seems, out-of-the-blue, this customer unloaded on our Fuente Guy (Mike) for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON. As I sit here I'm still incredulous as to what this guy was thinking. The cigar business is extremely political and Mike at Fuente has bent over backwards to provide us with what we need. What the hell, Dude? Bad Frickin' Dog!! The last thing I ever expected was one of our guys to embarrass us. Love you like a chicken wing, Buddy, but IF YOU EVER PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS AGAIN YOU ARE DONE!

It seems our favorite sociopath, Mark Haarman, has a court date. The lovely Brittany informs us he's due before The Judge on August 15th. If you're unfamiliar with this neighborhood fixture, allow me to fill you in. A few months ago he began hanging around the mall and bothering customers and employees both here and at Holiday. Since, at the time, Brittany worked both places...she caught the brunt of his act. To make a long story short, Mark (56) said some pretty offensive things to Brittany (19). After being banned from the mall, he continued showing up...and so did the police. At his first court date, I had the pleasure of meeting some members of his family. To put it mildly, it's a pretty shallow gene pool. Anyway, if you can make it on the 15th, it should make for some good theatre. If you'd like to read a copy of the restraining order against him, we've got one here at the store.

Well...we survived Las Vegas! Four days seems like two weeks when you're in the city that never sleeps. Especially when you're being wined and dined by cigar manufacturers and casinos. The friends that joined us (Uncle Mike, Stevie, Howie, Larry and JJ) made the trip even more memorable. JJ (our entry in the WSOP) outlasted many famous names and took a bad beat at the end of day one. Howie had several animated conversations on the night of the CAO party at The Hard Rock. Steve was overly gracious for buying us a great dinner at The Pink Taco and serving as our chauffeur during our stay. Uncle Mike was quite the hubby for bringing his wife (to Vegas?) and taking in the Elton John show between stops at the RTDA. And then there's Larry. What can you say about a guy that offers us a ride there and back on his brand new Citation CJ3? Un-Frickin-Believable. Thank you, Larry! On the cigar front, we spent lots of money and opened several new accounts...too many to list. They'll be arriving soon so stop in often. Anyway, we missed you all and sales in our absence were through the roof. Thanks to everyone for your generous support.

Who can forget 1987? Man, it seems like yesterday, doesn't it? Prince was winning Grammy's, Sharon Stone was crossing her legs in Fatal Attraction and how about those Twins? Kirby, Herbie and Frank were busy winning the World Series and putting Minnesota on the map. Man, those were the days, huh? Oh yeah, I almost forgot...that was the year HRH Brittany was born. Love those comments on the last post. You guys are gonna' burn much worse than Brittany...and for a lot longer. Anyway, I lost my voice today...hope it gets better before the RTDA Show next week. I never realized how much I gotta' talk in the store. Shut up and buy more smokes. Who loves ya'?

...she's done. Actually, well done. Burnt to a crisp. Today is her first day back after suffering from a scary bout of heat stroke on the Fourth. She seems to be her old perky self...so let's all give her a warm Cigar Jones welcome back. Recent cigar shipments include AVO, Perdomo and Don Diego. We blew through 144 Cigar Jones T-Shirts in less than two weeks...thanks to all that purchased one. At this time next week Mike and I will be at the RTDA Show in Las Vegas and our representative in the WSOP, JJ, will be just sitting down at the table. Good luck, Man...we're counting on you!

Chuck and I played in the KQRS Golf Tournament today...and what a day it was! After putting our first two shots in the drink off the tee, our seemingly average (but above average) lady teammates must have thought "What's going on here?". We quickly recovered and posted an above average score and won...get this...alcohol! Three of us were very happy (Sorry Dry Joy). Anyway, Chuck's gonna' give his case of Grain Belt to his daughter and keep the polo and windshirt that we all received. I was lucky enough to also win a dinner and show for two at the Chanhassen Dinner Theater and a gift certificate for $35 from Sunset's in Wayzata. I saw all the old crew from KQ (Where Mike and I used to work) and had a great time. The wife and daughter are on a church mission trip to Philly and my son's at the lake with my folks. Flying solo...and feeling solonesome. Cheer me up and buy some smokes on Monday!

When it rains...it pours. Mike's on vacation. Paul's gotta' be somewhere else this afternoon. The lovely Miss Brittany is suffering from heat stroke due to a wild Fourth of July. Kelly has to work at her real job today. And to top it off, I've got to be at a real estate closing at 3:30. What's a guy to do? Call Steve Chepokas, that's what! Yep, Biscuits is running the store this afternoon. The great thing about this shop is our customers. It's funny how many of you know how to run the register. On any given day, you never know who's gonna' ring you up. You guys work cheap, too. Thanks to everyone who helps out. Thanks, Stevie! You're the best.

Not much gets me too excited in this business...but it never gets old opening our shipments of Opus X. It's kinda' like that scene in "Pulp Fiction" when John Travolta and Samuel L. Jackson open the briefcase and it emits that magical glow. In addition to having them on the shelf...the price is arguably the best in the state. We don't believe in gouging our customers or limiting how many you can buy. Knock yourself out...and show me the money. Hurry in for best selection!