The Cigar Jones Bloghouse

grovel (grov'el) v : to show submission or fear (syn: fawn, crawl, creep, cringe; to beg select customers to frequent your place of business by offering discounts not afforded to all.

"To creep and grovel on the ground." -- Dryden

2. To tend toward being low, abject or mean.

Strike one, Guys.

What a time it was last Thursday. Thanks to all our wonderful customers who made it a night to remember. We bitch-slapped all records and managed to eat our way through a mountain of shrimp, sushi and assorted veggies and sandwiches. To all who brought presents and cards...a heartfelt, "Thank You". We owe you a debt of gratitude for making our first year one we'll never forget.

As if you don't know already, I'm really an ad guy. The best spots currently airing are for Holiday Inn. Time stands still everytime I see these commercials. Whether or not they work...it's anyones guess. I'm guessing they don't...but they sure crack me up.

The series features three guys on a business trip staying at a Holiday Inn. This first spot is my favorite.

Then there's Joe Buck encounter one and two.

This one reminds me of Stuart.

And we all know how much Paul Worner loves a good cage match.

The last three...in no particular order...feature a missing toothbrush, the song of a whale and unwinding in a hot tub.

Pure genius. Enjoy.

Wow. Can you believe it? It's already been a year since Mike and I took over the store. I was searching my Beam-addled memory bank to come up with a few nuggets of note. Here are some of my favorites. Feel free to add some of your own.

1. Mark Haarman. This guy was a trip. Who would have thought quick-thinking Connor came up with the best idea of all...locking the door.

2. Uncle Mike at RTDA. Sorry, Dude. Can't let you forget that crank-masher.

3. Drunken Chrissy. Remember her. She ran away from her husband and kids in Waconia and came in looking for a little "company". Six months later she came back with her "Friend" Jilly. You can lose that number.

4. Gravity meets TV. TV loses. While fixing the front lights I accidentally toppled the TV in front. Ooops. I like our new TV better, anyway.

5. Stuart has public sex. We all witnessed what a ladies man Stuart is. The "Mack Daddy" practically broke the easy chair saying "Howdy" to the lovely Laura.

6. Meeting Biscuits. A free cigar given to a stranger leads to "Milagro" and a lifelong friend of Cigar Jones.

7. Drunky McDrunk. A sad (but sometimes humorous) story. Hope she gets the help she so desperately needs.

8. The Kids Are Alright. We had an infusion of younger customers. Andrew, Sam, Jon, Colin and all their buddies. ID please?

9. While I was on vacation this Spring Break, I missed all the fun Chester The Jester brought to the table. By the time I returned, he was already eighty-sixed. Never even saw the dude.

10. Rest In Peace. The year also brought the passing of Cliff and Will. Gone but not forgotten.

Thanks to all who made the year one we'll never forget.

It is with heavy heart that I report our beloved friend, Connor Martin, is moving to Colorado. Connor has been a fixture at Cigar Jones since Day One. His vast knowledge of wine, poker and kitchen equipment maintenance contracts will be sorely missed. For those of you that don't know Connor as well as we do...here's a few factoids:

Connor is the only customer that has a poker hand named for him...the dreaded 7-2 offsuit.

Despite his reputation, the Connor Martin eats few, if any mosquitoes. Numerous studies have revealed that he prefers larger, more energetically-rewarding, insects such as dragonflies, damselflies, butterflies, moths, grasshoppers, katydids, mayflies, cicadas, beetles, flies, wasps, midges, and flying ants.

Connor has overcome many hurdles in life.

Connor is involved in a wide variety of activities. It's one of the main reasons he's relocating to Colorado. Among his favorite pastimes are hockey and barrel racing.

Connor is a voracious reader. Let's see what book is on his nightstand this week.

Seriously, we're gonna' miss you, Connor. You were such an easy target. Keep in touch, Butt Ticket!